Just for me…

I have been very busy, to the point of being overwhelmed, sorting through the things in my life as I close out a significant part of my past life.  Having sold my place in Maryland, I am moving out my possessions and giving away or selling the remainder.  I currently have boxes and bags everywhere in my home that need to find homes here and, quite honestly, I am mentally and physically tired.  So yesterday and today I am taking a break and doing things for ME!!!!

In early November I attended a quilting retreat and had made several different quilt tops.  One of them was a series of 10 different colored sets of blocks.  I had gotten jelly rolls that contained different colored patterns and ended up with 10 sets of blocks in different patterns and colors.  I was not able to get them sewn together at the retreat as I needed access to my design wall to play with the organization of the blocks.  Yesterday I played with blocks.

I had started placing the individual blocks in a pattern that highlighted just the colors.  I did not have the entire quilt top on the wall that way, but I was not all that happy with the design.  So I left it on the wall so I could let the design grow on me.  I was still not excited about the design.  I reorganized the blocks into 10 large sections of the same patterns.  In doing that, a different pattern emerges.  I think I like it better, but it will live on my wall for a few days until I see how I feel about this one.  There is a picture below…. What do you think???

The entire quilt top

Closeup of one side

Closeup of the other side

Giving Back…..

Monday night I took a step towards paying back for some of the wonderful things that I have been able to utilize to help me move forward through the loss I have felt since the death of my husband in 2011.  And I am so thankful that I am going to be able to give back and perhaps help someone else to begin to take steps forward through their grief.

This past January, I found an ad in the paper for a group called GriefShare.  I had seen several GriefShare groups in the bulletin boards of the local community paper, but they were meeting on nights that I already had commitments or they were far enough away that I did not want to make the commute with the current cost of gas.  This one was just a five minute drive, at the local Mennonite Church.

I found the faith based support group quite helpful.  It combines videos that have experts in various areas discussing loss and grief and how to handle the things we go through.  I learned that we all grieve differently and at different paces, there is no right or wrong way to grieve.  By the end of the 13 weekly sessions, I felt more positive about things and more interested in things around me and more adventurous to try new and different things.

Since I have been going to services at that church in recent weeks, I was asked by the leaders of the GriefShare project if I would be interested in assisting with the new set so sessions that they are planning to start in January 2013.  I was honored and pleased to be able to pay back and pay forward at the same time.  We had our first meeting Monday night.  The leaders are happy to have three of us who ‘graduated’ from the first group assisting them.  We may do nothing more than just show up with snacks or we may help lead small discussion groups, but we will be helping.  We will be making a difference in someone’s life.

Life is good.

Looking for things….

I don’t know why, but I always seem to misplace things that I am going to need.  Drive me nuts and you would think by now I would know better… but I still misplace things.

Today I called the law firm in Elkton that was suggested as the place to handle the settlement for the sale of my Maryland property.  I wanted to see how long it might take to get the papers in order so that I know how long I will have to finish moving the things out of the place.  I decided to try to find the paperwork in one place that the attorney might ask for right off the bat.

I first looked in a lock box that I keep under my bed… and there were the deeds to the lots I was selling.  Easy Peasy!  So the only things I needed, besides copies of the tax bills which were in my tax records for this year, would be a copy of Rudy’s will and an original death certificate.  I thought they were tucked away in a small desk when they were not in the lock box, but they were not.  I looked in files under my bed, but all I found were the paperwork for my father and the tax files for my business for 2010.  No I am beginning to panic.  I went through drawers in the living room, looked in book cases and end tables.  I looked in my office and I looked under the desk.  I looked under my cedar chest and in my closet.  I looked on the shelves that go up my attic steps…. Nothing!!!!!  After all the trouble I had getting the right death certificates, I had misplaced them.

I decided that I would take a break from the panic that was growing in my brain and clean out the steps to the attic where I had stored some bins of quilting fabric and projects.  Low and behold, there was a leather bag that I had used to carry records to and from right after Rudy died.  The bag was hidden by the bins.  So I stacked the bins at the top of the basement stairs for their trip to their new home and reached for the bag. 

Yippee!!!  No longer misplaced!!!!  Now I just have to wait for a week to get the ball rolling.  It seems that the attorney who handles settlements for Indian Acres is on vacation this week!  But now, I am ready with the papers.

Another emotional weekend…

Sorry, no pictures from the Friday activities.  Once everyone arrived, we started talking and laughing and some of us even sewed.  But the laughter and giggles, the chatting and stories just were non-stop.  We did stop to eat some homemade chicken noodle soup, but I never even thought about taking a picture until everyone left and then I did the forehead slap thing when I realized I had planned to take some.  But everyone had a good time and Nancy left with three projects that she finished, except for some hand work that had to be done.

Saturday I headed to Maryland.  I packed up a few more things so they are ready to come to Pennsylvania.  The pictures are all off the walls.  I have no idea where they are all going to go, but I will find places for the ones that I really want to save and see if my boys want any of the others.  One day at a time.

Marji, Danny and the DIL, Shelly, had come down from Elkton to join me by mid morning.  Shelly had come with them so she could do a shopping trip through my house.  There were several items that I had to get out of the house that she felt her young family could use, so she came down to look at the items and decide which ones she wants to take home.  It will benefit all of us, as I will not have to worry about moving many of those items and it will make their lives better.  I call that a win/win.

Today I spent the morning at church and then an afternoon cleaning out my glasses cabinet.  I sorted through glassware that I had not used in years.  Some of the really old and thin glasses went out into the trash along with souvenir goblets from dinner theaters and other establishments.  Now I have room for the mugs I brought home yesterday and the wine glasses that I will bring home the next time I go down for a load.

Each time I go through this exercise I end up remembering all kinds of things that have been a part of my past.  In some cases it goes back before Rudy and then there are things that Rudy brought into the relationship that now are a tangible part of his life that I can still hold and see.  It is not easy, especially when I have to let some of the things go so I can keep the things that are most precious.  But, by the time I am finished I will have purged and consolidated my entire life.  Perhaps if I had one it years ago, it would be easier now…. maybe

Black Friday, Alternative….

Good Morning and Happy Black Friday, aka the Day after Thanksgiving.  I have never ventured out on a Black Friday.  I far prefer retail shopping on days when there are not throngs of people grabbing and pushing and, in general, being gruff and mean instead of caring and loving.  There was nothing I needed badly enough to be that silly.

This Black Friday is going to be totally different.  I am having some good friends over at my house for some sewing.  It started out with one of my newer friends from my quilting class wanting to get together and sew.  When my Golden Girls Guild ladies found out I was sewing, they wanted to come too, so besides Nancy, I am expecting Mary, Marji and Debby to join us as well.

I have some chicken noodle soup in the process in the Crockpot, leftover turkey for sandwiches and some cranberry salad, for those who want it.  We will be making table runners, little duffles and tater bags.  It has been quite awhile since I have had a sewing day with friends and I am looking forward to spending the day with good friends.

I am not quite ready, yet.  They are just going to have to ignore the things from Maryland that have not found homes and love me as I am.  And I am sure that they will.  Pictures will follow later today!

Happy Thanksgiving……

Another year and another Holiday Season begins.

I have learned in the last couple of years that the Holidays can be one of the most difficult for anyone who has lost a loved one.  The one in 2011 was hard for me.  I think that this one will be much better.  And for that, I am Thankful.

Throughout 2012 I have been traveling and seeing things that I have not had a chance to see before.  I have done some of this alone except for my co-pilot Molly, my poodle.  I have done some of it with dear friends.  And for that, I am Thankful.

I have begun sewing and crafting and quilting in earnest.  I have met new people who enjoy learning to do different things and who also enjoy things that I have been doing all along my journey.  I have grown closer to old friends and enjoyed watching some of them stretch their wings a bit more and fly.  And for that, I am Thankful.

I have found out that my closest friends will do anything for me, all I have to do is ask.  I have found that if I do not ask, no one knows I am in need.  I have found out that I do not have to go through this journey alone unless I want to.  And for that, I am Thankful.

I have discovered that my grieving is on track for me.  The lessons learned from GriefShare have helped keep me grounded and moving forward.  And when I get ambushed by my grief, I have the tools to get back on track.  And they have asked me to assist in the next GriefShare session so I can hopefully give back to others in their grief as well as gain some more ammunition to cope with my own grief.  And for that, I am Thankful.

I am discovering my own spirituality, or going back to it.  I have always felt I had a closeness to God and I have attended different churches and religions through my life.  I have been going to the local Mennonite church in Parkesburg (they sponsored the GriefShare program) and I am finding a wonderful spirit among the people there.  And for that, I am Thankful.

I am going to be with family today for dinner.  These people are my late husband’s family, but they have continued to include me in family celebrations.  I enjoy spending time with them will do so again, today.  And for that, I am Thankful.

To everyone who have come into my life, either by family ties or friends, old and new… may you all find good things to be Thankful for… because I am Thankful for you.

A Day of Ups and Downs….

The day started with my attempting to contact my BFF, Marji.  I had called her last night and she said they had just gotten in and she would call me back, shortly.  I waited and waited but no call.  I was concerned as she had sounded funny and she is not in the best of health, sometimes pushing herself.  She also has the habit of thinking that she does not want to burden her friends and family with things and I was afraid that she might have been having some health issue and did not want to bother me with it.

I finally went DOWN into my basement.  I needed to clear out a set of shelving that was under-utilized because of its location.  So I pulled the few things that lived on the shelves, off, managed to move the shelf unit from its corner and managed to barely move the freezer that was blocking access a bit out of the way.  Little by little, I went through the things on the shelves, threw away some junk and put some stuff aside to put out on FreeCycle and replaced the remaining stuff on the shelves.  Now I need to go UP into the attic and bring DOWN the storage boxes that I want to have better access to on the shelves.

In between trips UP and DOWN the stairs, I finally managed to get hold of Marji.  She gave me some very disturbing news.  They had indeed been DOWN in the ER of their local hospital most of the day yesterday, but it was not Marji’s health that was at issue, it was her wonderful husband, Danny.  He had gone out to get in his truck and go to his daughter’s house.  His son had called him as he was walking out and was on the phone with him when a pain, “the worst I have ever experienced” had him falling on the ground in their driveway.  The son, called his mother… Marji… and told her to get outside, something was wrong with Dad.  Then he called his sister and she appeared in the driveway in short order and took her father to the hospital.  Marji said Danny did not argue, so it had to be concerning him.

Tests run, blood drawn, X-Rays taken and there was no definitive result, though a minor heart attack could not be ruled out.  So he was discharged and they will see their doctors next week.  Today, not looking as gray as he had looked yesterday, per Marji, he was outside, blowing leaves.  I guess he does not understand that bad pain is your body’s way of saying…. “SLOW DOWN”!!

The UPlifting thing today was also from Marji.  As many of you know, I have sold my Maryland house and am in the process of taking my possessions out of the house.  Marji’s son has a young family and they are hard working but not realizing the American Dream of decadent living, instead, they make do with what they have.  I found out that they might be able to use some things that I need to get rid of, so they will be joining me in Maryland on Saturday to go shopping in my house.  There are things that they cannot have, but there are a great many things that they can have and I am so happy to be able to help make things a little nicer, a little better.  All of these things certainly made Rudy and I enjoy living over the years… and not being used much, except on weekends, everything is in pretty good shape.  It will be fun to see what she picks out for her home.

In addition to the arranging, I posted a couple of things on FreeCycle.  For those of you who have never heard of FreeCycle, it is a service that allows people to post online, items that they no longer want or need or ask for things they are looking for and provide these items for free  I had three items posted and two have already been picked UP.

I also roasted a turkey and made my mother’s stuffing.  I am looking forward to cold turkey sandwiches and slices of stuffing for the next several days.  Since I am going out to relatives for dinner, I still wanted to get the ‘leftovers’, so I bought a fresh turkey and cooked it today.  Yum… is about all I can say.

So I am off, to pick the bird and start moving storage boxes DOWN to the basement.  Like I said, a day of UPS and DOWNS.

Better, today….. for now…..

I think that we human beings, tend to over-think things or over-worry things.

My previous post was all about being overwhelmed.  And, indeed, I was feeling very overwhelmed about what I was going to do about removing things from the house I am selling in Maryland.  I had, all summer long, thought that I would be leaving the majority of the furniture in the house for the new owners to use until they could replace items with ones that suited them more.  My mental planning had been along those lines, so when I heard that they really did not want or need the furniture my mental planning went out the window.  Panic and concern were the immediate response…. Sort of like, well now what the heck am I going to do???

Actually, I should have taken a deep breath, and calmly waited for the buyers to call me and clarify what they wanted or needed and I was feeling much better.

It turns out that the one thing that they would like to have left is my favorite, too, the dining room set.  I had tried, even before I sold the house, to find a way to bring that set home.  When I had thought I would be buying a winter home in Florida, and planned on taking that with me.  In looking at homes this past April, I was having trouble even then, finding a house with a large enough dining area for this table.  I hated to think about having to find a home for it and not have it be mine.  But I will happily let it remain in the house for this lovely family who are buying the house.  And on another good note, these lovely people who are buying the house have told me that they will happily deal with whatever I need to leave behind.  I am so blessed.

I think I may be able to find a deserving family who have would be thrilled with the living room furniture and beds and maybe some other things.  I would be so thrilled to be able to provide these things for them.  While the furniture is older (it was used when we got it, but in really good shape) it was gently used by us on weekends and the occasional week, so it is still in good shape.  There is a great deal of life left in them and I think it would make such a good gift for this family.  Hopefully they will want it, if not, I am sure I could find some folks on Freecycle locally who will use them.

I still have the task of going through all of the other possessions and getting rid of some things and bringing other things back to Pennsylvania and find a place to put them into my small house.  But I am back to what I feel is manageable for me to accomplish.  Breathe, Jane, Breathe!

Overwhelmed….

After such a wonderful, fun-filled time at the quilting retreat, live has happened and I am beginning to feel very overwhelmed.

I have sold the house that my late husband built in Maryland and have been in the process of going through things that were accumulated over the last 20 years.  Yikes!  That is a lot of stuff.  I have managed to eliminate some stuff and only bring in the things that I need to find places for.  And I was really thinking that it would be very simple to complete the task as I was leaving most of the furniture in the house.

I met with the buyers this past weekend.  My BFF Marji and her husband were at the house with me to give me some support and help me pack up more stuff.  During the tour with the man who is buying the place and his father, the wife stayed inside and spoke to Marji.  Later in the day, Marji mentioned that they did not need any of the stuff left as they had furniture that they were going to use.

So, now I am thinking totally differently and wondering what I can get rid of in this house and replace it with some of the stuff from Maryland.  I still need to verify the furniture need of the buyer, but just thinking about also moving all of the furniture has my senses and emotions overwhelmed. 

But I will find a way to make it happen.  Thank goodness this family is not in a big hurry to go to settlement!

A Wonderful Retreat…..

One of the definitions of retreat is a place, such as a sanatorium or monastery, to which one may retire for refuge and quiet, etc.

Well, I went on a retreat last week, starting Wednesday afternoon…. A quilting retreat.  I have gone on this delightful adventure for several years in the hopes that I might actually learn how to quilt.  It has taken many attempts, but I think I have finally gotten to the point where I can consider myself a novice quilter.  But I cannot say, by any stretch of the imagination, that this was a quiet time for reflection.

The ladies attending the Delaware Quilts November Retreat began arriving on Wednesday afternoon.  One of my BFF’s, Marji, was my roommate and partner in crime.  We arrived around noon, accompanied by her husband, Danny, who had helped us load all of our bins and totes and sewing machines, thread, scissors into our vehicles and then patiently unloaded them into our hotel room and the conference room where the ‘retreat’ was actually happening.  Once we were settled, he headed back to Maryland and we headed to the Retreat.

Throughout the remainder of the afternoon, ladies from Delaware, New Jersey, New York and even as far away as Tennessee and Texas arrived and brought their gear into the conference room.  With each lady, the noise level increased…. Not only from the sewing machines whirling, but from conversations, squeals of delight as old friends, long separated had a chance to embrace and catch up on all the happenings since they last hugged at Retreat.

After dinner, we gathered in the conference room and our hostess/leader, Marge, introduced a couple of new ladies to the group, showed off sample quilts that she had made all year and then provided us with the directions for making each one from 2 ½ inch strips from either jelly rolls, bali pops or stips made by each person from yardage.  Then the fun began.

The rest of the time each person or group of persons was free to try any of the patterns provided, work on a project that they brought to finish or start something that they did not have time to do in their homes during the time that life lets them have as spare time.

Each day was open to do whatever you wanted to do.  The hotel is located in the heart of Lancaster County Pennsylvania.  There are quilt shops and fabric shops and local food shops and other interesting businesses within a short distance from our headquarters.  So many days would find the sewing machines silent as the retreaters headed out to find the perfect fabric for a project, a new pattern that they had never seen or a new gadget to make the quilting process even easier.  There was constant coming and going in the conference room.

This retreat was such fun.  Our leader, Marge, had given us the directions for quilts that were made primarily from 2 ½” strips.  One of them is known as the lasagna quilt or the 1600 quilt.  It is fun and fast and I managed to make two quilt tops using the process during the retreat.  This is the first time I have managed to complete a top of any kind during the retreat.  I also have 60 squares ready to put another top together.  I have come a long way from my first retreat when I knew nothing and managed to get one single pillow case finished in the three days I retreated then.

So, now I am moving on to the task of removing 20 years of stuff from the house I have sold in Maryland and get ready for Thanksgiving and the holidays!

A Day of Sorting and Finding…..

Molly and I slept until after 9:00 AM this morning.  It was the first time in several weeks that I have slept that late for a couple of weeks.  I have been so busy preparing to close up the Maryland House and then get ready for the hurricane to come.  Those things along with the nerves of the pending storm, sleep was not easy to come by.

After coffee, Molly-time and some Internet time, I began to sort through the sewing/quilting stuff so I can have my stuff ready for the retreat.  This is harder than it sounds.  I have been bringing this stuff home in bits and drabs.  I have been putting them into smaller plastic tubs, almost by project or fabric.  I needed to get bins set up for the different sewing machines and then start sorting fabric finds by what I have planned.  I will be taking more than I will probably get to, but I may find time to do some quickie projects and want to have the materials ready.

I also am digging through the bags of non-sewing stuff and trying to find homes for things that used to reside in Maryland.  This is an emotional thing for me.  While I am content with the sale of the Maryland house, I am going through many items that are invoking memories of 20 years at Indian Acres and the 30+ years that Rudy and I shared together.

At the same time, I am reminded of all of the good things that we did together.  I feel very grateful that we were fortunate enough to have been able to enjoy those times and experiences together.  I do not know why Rudy was taken so young, but I am so blessed to have shared so much time with him.  It was a remarkable time in our lives.

More of the same, tomorrow.

After Sandy….

I survived Hurricane Sandy…

I made all of the preparations that I could.  The house in Maryland was winterized, fridge cleaned out and unplugged and everything that I wanted to bring home in the first trip was loaded into the truck.  I unloaded it here in Parkesburg and began to prepare for what the experts said could be days or weeks without power.

I had stopped in Maryland with a couple of large containers filled with gasoline.  I had another one here at home and filled it, too.  All in all, I had close to 15 gallons of gas to run my little generator.  I had brought a large container filled with drinking water up from Maryland… I had used it to store water for toilet flushing in the winter in Maryland with the water turned off.  I also had 2 gallon jugs filled so I was ahead of the game once I got home.

I pulled items from the front of the house (flower pots and flags, etc.) so they would not get blown away in the strong winds of the hurricane.  I also buttoned up the back deck.  I tied things down and took things off the tables, put little things in the garage or back deck and bungee-corded lids so they would not flop open in the wind.  I took my cordless drill and used screws to secure the boards and bench that were going to serve as the generator cover so it would be more wind resistant and yet guide the exhaust out beyond the deck roof.  I filled large buckets, soup pots and other plastic containers with water for cleaning, washing hands and flushing.  I had a couple of oil lamps ready and flashlights with batteries/spares at the ready.  There were non-perishable foods available, IPad was charged, cell phone was ready, laptop charged, portable DVD player charged, Nook charged… I was ready for Sandy.

The rain started Sunday night, first as a drizzle and then more steadily as Monday wore on.  The local TV stations were broadcasting all day about where Sandy was located, what we needed to be ready and all of the possible things that might… or might not… happen.  The wind picked up all through the day but there was no loss of power during the day and only a flicker around dinnertime.  Then Sandy turned to take dead aim on the New Jersey coastline.  Around 9:00 PM, everything went dark.

I listened to the wind blow and blow at the front of the house.  I had the oil lamp lit, but it could not mask the sound of the storm.  I was not going to run the generator until the storm had passed as it needed to stay dry, so I headed to bed around 10:30 PM.  Molly was really pretty good through that time.  She even went out to pee in the back yard a couple of times.  It is always so sad to see her go out, squat and pee while the wind blows her ears back, the rain pelts her head and she looks at me with eyes that say “why are you making me come outside to do my business in this horrible weather?”

I opened the front window a crack so I could get a little fresh air without rain.  We curled up in the bed and listened to the wind blow.  Somewhere later the wind stopped blowing for about an hour or so.  It could very well have been the area close to the center of the storm… the eye, as it is called.  Later on, I could hear the wind and rain blowing against the back of the house, so we were obviously transitioned to the back part of the storm.  It was a long, restless night.

I woke up earlier than I had hoped.  But the wind was still blowing and poor Molly had to go out again.  Same blowing ears and sad face….!

I have cooked at this house using propane for 30+ years.  I am always happy with that choice when the power goes out.  I can use the top of the stove without the need for electricity.  I also have a lovely Corning Ware drip coffeepot where I boil water in the bottom part, put coffee in a filer in a container under the upper chamber.  When the water boils, you pour it into the glass top, put it on top of the now empty bottom, pull out the little stopper so the water drips down through the grounds, and voila… hot coffee.  I had an insulated carafe that I filled with the coffee and was able enjoy hot coffee all morning long.

I fired up the generator and was able to follow along on the news broadcasts that were beginning to uncover all of the devastation that Sandy had dealt to the New Jersey coastline and to the heart of New York City.  The pictures were amazing.  I felt very lucky to have just lost power.  There were many more people who lost far more that I.

I was eating my dinner when the lights in the house came back on.  A little over 17 hours and the crews dispatched by PECO had restored power to my house and I was ready to get back to normal.

I did not dump the water right away.  I just could not see wasting all of the valuable resource by pouring it down the drain and into the septic system.  I moved the big containers out of the way, but just could not dump them.. Today proved to me that there was a grander plan in place.  I was going about the house, today, starting to find homes for all of the items that I am going to be removing from the Maryland house.  Molly began barking and barking.  The pitch of her bark told me it was not the normal UPS truck or mail truck stopping briefly before going on.  I looked out and there was a tractor trailer in the turnaround in the front of my house.  The hood was up so he was obviously having mechanical issues.  Shortly after, the doorbell rang and a haggard looking man explained that his truck had blown off a couple of hoses and he was in need of water.  I asked how much and he indicated that it would be several gallons.  Rather than letting him draw it directly from the well, I offered him the containers that were already full.  He found a way to transfer them to smaller containers to put the liquid into his truck’s radiator.  I then offered him my bathroom when he asked where along the road there might be some and he told b=me that I had been an angel in his day!  I knew there was a reason I did not pour the water down the drains.  Still have some pots full, but I will find a way to use them too.

So I was blessed.  Loss of power but I was prepared to have what I needed.  My house is still in one piece.  My belongings are safely inside.  The house in Maryland suffered no damage wither.  Power was restored in less than 24 hours.  I was blessed.

So now I start to get ready for a quilting retreat that I am looking forward to attending very, very much!