Someone who understands... such a comfort!

I have had a few days when I have not felt like doing much of anything at all.  I NEED to get outside, park the pickup so the back is near the Bagster Bag and finish going through the stuff from the move in Maryland almost two years ago.

These are boxes and bags that were packed in the last big push to empty the house in Maryland after I had sold it.  I did not have time to sort through the last bunch of stuff first and I had friends who helped, so I do not know what is inside any of the boxes.  I was doing well getting the boxes sorted through shortly after I got the house emptied.  But, in one box, I was going through stuff and came across one of Rudy's favorite watches.  He always kept his watches separate... the PA watches were rugged and could handle his work... the MD watches were waterproof and prettier.  This was one of the last watches he had worn.

In attending and then assisting with GriefShare sessions, I have learned that after the loss of a loved one, family members and friends that are left behind are, from time to time, ambushed by reminders of the lost person which propels them back into the depths of grief.  The watch did it for me.  It has been a year since I have been able to go through any more boxes.  The back of the truck still has many boxes that need to be sorted and dealt with but I have just not been able to get into the back and start sorting.  I guess I just do not want to be ambushed again.

Yesterday I had dinner with a dear friend, Sheila Williamson.  I met her when I first started attending the GriefShare sessions.  She was a helper but was dealing with the loss of two, not one but two, husbands.  One was many years ago when her children were small and her husband had been killed in a tragic car accident.  Her second husband had died of cancer more recently.  When I called about GriefShare at the Mennonite Church, she was the one who answered the phone and she was so welcoming, I had no doubt that I would find some answers to my grief there.

Over the years since that January (2012) Sheila and I have grown closer.  We share many interests.  She went on the quilting retreat last fall and rekindled her interest in sewing and creating.  She has included me in some of her activities and we sew pillowcases for Hershey Medical Center children once a month.

We met up at the local Walmart, yesterday, and she drove us to Downingtown to eat at Chick-Fil-A to support a fund raiser for cancer that a friend was running.  It was nice to have some one-on-one time with her.  We caught up on our activities and then I confided in  her that I was experiencing some issues with the task of clearing out the truck.  The great thing was that she totally understood my problem.  She had moved into a new place last year, and had been through the same thing.  She had some suggestions about how to go about some things.  She also validated that my feelings were normal and that I was not the only one to ever feel that way.

It has been so wonderful to have a friend who has walked in my shoes.  There are many well meaning friends who try to help me when I am down, but most of them are still married or have never suffered a family loss that gives them any idea where I am coming from.  They mean well, but they just do not have a clue.

It is such a comfort to me to have someone, like Sheila, that I can talk to and who can sympathize and hug me when I need that.  Thanks to Sheila, I was able to do some serious work in the basement.  I am cleaning out my late husband's workshop so I can have a very nice sewing room.  I was able to sit at his work bench where he made his remote control planes, sort through the pile of stuff that was there, toss the junk and all and now I just need to find homes for the tools and sand paper and the like so I can remove the work bench and make room for tables and sewing machines!!!

Sheila... I love you for your compassion and understanding.  I will be looking forward to many years as your friend and hope that someday I can return the favor for what you were able to do for me yesterday!