Trying Hard to Do My Best....

I was struck today how many women seem to suffer in silence.  I was with 6 lovely friends, some old friends that I am very close to, some newer that I am still learning about.

Of these ladies, three are widows and one is divorced.  Two are married and one is in a long-term relationship with a man and they are living together in her home.

I have been organizing a sewing/crafting retreat that will be the first week in October on the Outer Banks.  Today was our planning lunch.  We hit the highlights.  This is our 4th year of getting together, the 3rd one where we spend the time laughing and sewing and letting our hair down.  I was enjoying listening to the chatter of a group of ladies who got together in an organization and then finding a mutual joy of creating and sucking other lost ladies into our web of fabric and thread.

I say lost, as most of the newer crafters have found a passion in creating items and enjoy being together to teach and learn from each other.  Those who were creative before have found fun being among others who share their passions.

I looked around the table.  I saw 7 people, including myself in that group, and knowing things that are going on in a few of their lives, realized that the smiles and laughter are either a well-deserved break from the things in their normal lives OR devices that are hiding the struggles in order to try to cope.

One of the ladies had a parent who is suffering from a long-term illness that is robbing her of that parent.  She is angry, and who would blame her, especially since she feels the parent is not getting proper care and she is powerless to do anything about it.

One of the ladies has an addicted daughter who is fighting those demons (and currently winning) while trying to raise my friend's granddaughter alone.

One of the ladies has a spouse who is facing surgery and perhaps bills from what the insurance does not pay.

One lady is working well past the age when she should be retired and enjoying being free to enjoy life.  And the job she has finds her working a graveyard shift and sometimes as many as 12 hours a shift.

One of the ladies has several serious health conditions.  She has wonderful insurance but does not always seek the help that this insurance can afford her.  She sees it as wasteful, not seeing herself as worthy of such treatment.  She also does not want to be taking a great many meds.  She takes plenty now and tends to be sensitive to any new medicine that is introduced.  So she suffers with pains and hurts which makes her life very difficult.

One of the ladies has moved into a new home, sharing a lot with her son and his wife.  There is tension between this wonderful lady and her DIL.  Even though they do not share a domicile, their close proximity is not being well received by the DIL, so they are struggling to work things out.

And then there is me!  I have decent health, although I am overweight and have already had a knee replaced.  I live alone in my home since I lost my husband in 2011.  I have just rescued a dog, so I have a new companion, but we are still getting to know one another.  There are things I want to do, but find I either cannot do them or am not motivated to do them.

I am trying to make my little home just perfect for me as I age.  I have already gotten a comfort height toilet installed so my next knee surgery will be easy to recover from at home.  I have started painting my living room/dining room and ran into a wall where water had damaged the plaster years BEFORE I bought the house.  I have had friends seal the cinder block chimney with DriLock Paint and then put a cap on top to keep water from coming in.  Now no water comes in.  I have to seal the fragile plaster and then find a way to cover the wall so I can finish the painting.  (There is also another place that has to be fixed on another wall, but that will be for another day!)  I got a big generator last winter and I need to get a transfer switch set up and an outdoor plug that will allow me to plug one cord into the outdoor plug, turn off the outside power and use the transfer switch to run my house instead of having miles of extension cords running through the house.  My nephew indicated that he might be able to help, but so far it has not worked out.  So I either need to know he will help or I will have to find an electrician to do the job and I will pay for it.  But this MUST happen before the next winter comes in.

I am also re-purposing the work room in my basement that my late husband used for his wood working.  I am farther along than I thought I would be since we did not find mold behind the walls and they were already sealed, but I need to continue cleaning up and getting rid of things.  I have to lug trash bags up stairs and put them out in a Bagster bag that is outside.  My lawn guy moved the bag last week so he could mow but did not move it back.  Where he left it blocked the mail carrier from leaving mail, so I had to lug it back.  I have to talk with him this week and either have him mow around it, or not mow that section of the yard until it is gone.

I have realized that over the years, I had been silently encouraged by my husband to do the things that needed to be done.  If he was working or putzing around, then I kept busy.  If the task really needed two people, we worked together.  Now there is no one but me.  And there is no one to encourage me.  And no one who really cares if I get done what I want to get done.

And when it comes to these trips and things, well, I load the van alone, I have help unloading at the location.  I get help loading at the location, but am alone to unload.  This is getting old!!  It took over a week to get the van unloaded after Fancy Gap.

But, there is only one thing I can do.  I can put one foot in front of the other every day.  I can only eat one little piece of the elephant in order to get to my goal.  I can only do the best I can everyday and hopefully get to the end of what I want to do.

There are many days when I feel so very alone.  I stay busy with Lions Club, PABA, church activities, making plans for trips, taking care of Winston (who is acting really oddly this afternoon.  He is hiding under the bed and actually seems genuinely frightened.  He must be hearing something I cannot hear.  I wish I could help him... does anyone have doggie ear plugs??)

So, anyway... looking around, there is not anyone in this life who does not have a trial or tribulation in their lives.  How we deal with those roadblocks really determines the thread of our life.  I pray that my accomplishments will be adequate to get me to my goals.

With God, all things are possible.... so God help me, I will get this done.